A Secret Kiss
by HanR
Summary: A sensual drama which entwines Quistis' and Squall's lives into an errotic catastrophic disaster as they discover their feelings for each other. Chpt 18 now up! The story continues.... :) Please R
1. Caught

A Secret Kiss

Chapter 1: Caught

I cast my eyes down to meet the gaze of the man who sat upon the white lace of the bed. Something wasn't right. _Is this really what I wanted?_ The curtain danced playfully on the window. The candles burned brightly, illuminating the red rose that lay in the man's rough hands. I knew he was getting impatient. Like a lion waiting to strike. I had set up the night so perfectly, I had been so sure. But now in the heat of the moment I stood frozen stuck in time, unsure of what to do. 

"What's wrong with you? Cat got your tongue?" The man asked teasingly letting out a mild laugh. "Come on, plonk your ass next to me and tell me what you're thinking about."

But still I stood as still as a statue. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. _Is this what I really wanted?_ He grabbed my hand, feeling its smoothness and pulled me so I was on his lap. I turned to look at him. Why was he being so concerned? It didn't seem like his nature at all. I stared into his dark eyes, his fingers slowly and gently tracing my cheek bone, his fingers kept running along the side of my face and down my neck. I let out a sigh, deep and meaningful.

 My body was aching with the need to be close to him, but for some strange reason I couldn't bring myself to do it.

This had been what I had dreamed for countless nights… and now when fantasy became reality, I suddenly didn't want to play my part. I looked back into those dark eyes, I felt myself fading, he leaned closer and I could feel his heart beat against my chest. I tucked my blonde hair behind my ear and he whispered, "I have been longing for this moment." 

I nodded. "So have I." I had been imagining this moment for too long. His lips brushed mine. It was happening so fast, like a rush of warm air. We started kissing; I knew soon we would get to the place of no return. _Did I want this...?_ The answer, yes. We were on the bed; I lazily undid his dark blue shirt to reveal his tanned chest. He smiled at me; he looked so lovable, there was no other word for it. He started kissing my neck.

"What the?" a voice called. At first I was puzzled. Then I slowly turned around to see Zell standing there a toothbrush hanging from his mouth. "Oh sweet mother of pearl…I don't even want to know!" 

Squall gently moved away from my grasp around his neck. 

"Zell…I can explain." He said looking at the floor. I knew my face was red; I could feel the heat rushing up to my cheeks. 

"I only wanted toothpaste, not a show." Zell said taking the toothbrush from his mouth and standing against the door frame looking rather smug. "Well, are you going to explain? Oh, let me guess… she fell over and you accidentally fell on top of her?" Zell seemed rather proud of the fact that Squall wasn't perfect and had been well… naughty. 

"Zell please, let me explain." Squall said buttoning up his shirt. 

"I'm all ears, Squall." Zell said; he motioned for him to start.

Squall took a quick glance over his shoulder at me. I pulled the lavender silk sheet around me; it had suddenly turned cold.

"I-I…didn't mean for this to get out of hand. I didn't mean any of this to happen."

I felt like someone had put a knife straight through my heart, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I would not cry. Zell looked at me; his look was one of pity. 

"What about Rinoa?" Zell asked, though I could hardly make it out from where I sat. Then it finally sunk in. I had just made out with my best friend's husband. I couldn't stand it anymore; I got up and ran out the room, tears streaming down my face.

I was a great friend, wasn't I?


	2. Swimming for death

Chapter 2: Swimming for death

I ran, my light blue silk nightie flowing over my skin like water as I ran. I didn't know where I was running to. I was trying to run away from myself. The Garden was empty; like a graveyard at night. And I was darn glad of it. 

Down the corridors that swirled up around me, closing me in like I was in a cage. I ran into the centre of the garden. Everything was pain, I had to get away, and I had to do something. Coldness, freezing coldness, and then nothing; my world was no more.

"Quistis…oh God no, Quistis stay with me, you've got to fight." The voice was so far away. 

I tried to grip to it but I didn't understand what they were saying. I was numb with everything. I wanted to open my eyes but couldn't. It was like someone had glued them shut. I just lay there. My chest was aching with pain and I found it hard to breathe. I opened my eyes slowly. Through the slits of them it was hard to make anything out. It was blurry out there. Someone was holding me, rocking me gently back and forwards. I slowly opened my eyes. They had dark brown hair and a leather jacket on. I started shivering. 

"She's coming around, Squall." The voice came from over head. The person pulled back and looked at me, still holding me in his arms.

"Oh Quistis… you scared the hell out of me." He said. His eyes were wet from tears. Why was he crying? I was shivering uncontrollably; I felt like I would never get warm. He slowly took off his jacket, making sure he still supported my back, and draped the jacket round my shoulders. _Why was I so cold?_ I looked down; I was just wearing a nightie? Why was I dressed in a wet nightie? It had gone a bit see-through, but I was too tired to care. I suddenly realised how exhausted I was, I needed to sleep. I started to close my eyes.

"We're losing her again, Squall!" A voice called. 

I smiled. Squall; if I had a pet squirrel I'd call it Squall. I started to ask him if he was my pet squirrel but my question died on my lips.

Brightness was beyond my lashes and I opened them and my eyes were filled with a golden light. I stared up at the white roof. _Where was I? _

"Oh Quistis; good to see you're finally with us." A jolly voice filled my ears as the Nurse came in. She picked up a phone and quickly dialled. "Squall, she's awake."

"I'm in the sick bay." I stated.

"Yes, you are." Nurse said coming to my side. "How do you feel?" 

"Okay… I guess. Why am I here?" I asked. She blushed.

"I'll let Squall answer that one." 

Just then Squall came in the room. He had obviously just been running as his face was flushed. 

"Thank you, Nurse Kadowaki, you really are the best Nurse our school could ask for." Squall said to Nurse Kadowaki before turning towards me.

"I'll leave you two alone; you have much to catch up on." She smiled and left the room.

Squall came over and sat on the edge of my bed.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"How should I feel? Squall, Nurse Kadowaki wouldn't tell me what happened." 

Squall sighed and paused for a moment. "Y-You we were um…coming back from dinner and we were mucking around and I accidentally pushed you in the water." He looked at the ground as he said it.

"Are you serious? I don't remember going to dinner with you. And anyway, I can swim." I said this all matter-of-factly. Squall took a while to answer.

"Y-You bumped your head on the railing." 

"Oh. How long have I been out?"

"Two days." Squall said. "And I'm glad you're back." He hugged me, running his hands along my back. 

"Is Rinoa back yet?" 

His body stiffened with the question.

"Yes. She came back yesterday." 

"You must be happy; I bet you missed her heaps." I said smiling at him. 

He just nodded before he got up and left. 


	3. Rumours

Hey, I hope I still have some people out there who remember my story, chapter 3 is here at last; sorry, it took a while. Just a little problem called 'computers are too hard to use!!!!' Anyway, enough from me… eat your heart out!

Chapter 3: Rumours

The murmur of the class was more then usual. It was my first day back on the job.

"Class, please class, quieten down now." 

They kept talking. This was not a good start to the day. I turned around and scraped my fingers down the blackboard, it sounded like a scream of torture. The class put their hands to their ears and shut up. _Good, they got the message._

"Now that I finally have your attention. Could you please turn your books to page 64? Now on this page you'll see a picture of a tonberry…" A boy called Henry's hand shot up in the air. 

"Miss Trepe? Why were you in the sickbay?" Henry _had_ always been a curious type. 

"I…" I started to tell him why, but did I really want to say 'because I was mucking around and fell in the water'? Before I could answer Natalie butted in.

"I heard that you were mucking around with Mr Leonhart and accidentally fell in the water." _Smart arsed little brat!_ I thought but before I could tell her off Victor added,

"I heard you were just wearing a nightie." The classroom went wild with giggles, chatting and whistling, stupid kids! _Was I the only intelligent thing in the room?_

"Enough class, that's enough!" I could hardly hear my voice over the noise. I took out my whip which I still kept in my belt, just to make me feel safe, I guess. I made the loudest crack that I could manage and the room went into a sudden silence. 

"Now, we are going to read through chapter 35 on page 64 in silence, and if anyone even thinks about talking, I'll whip their butts!" I shouted at them, they all looked so scared that for a second I felt sorry for them. 

"B-but Miss Trepe, that's child abuse." Natalie piped up. 

"Would your arse like to be the first example, Miss White?" 

She shook her head. 

"I don't bluff. Now get to work." The class went smoothly after that. 

The class emptied out very quickly when the bell rang and Rinoa walked in, looking as lovely as ever.

"Mrs Leonhart." I said smiling at her. 

"Miss Trepe." She too smiled and I walked over to her and hugged her, the smell of expensive perfume mingling with my own scent.

'It's been a while." She said.

"Yes… it has. Want to go for lunch?" I asked.

"As long as we don't have hotdogs." 

"Agreed!" 

We went out the door laughing.

*

The cafeteria was too noisy for our liking, so we took our salad rolls out and sat on a seat out the front of the garden.

"So how was Fisherman's Horizon? Everything settled there now?" I asked, bitting into my salad roll and hoping the filling wouldn't plonk all over my lap.

"Oh, good yeah! It was pretty boring stuff, but at least everything's running smoothly now. What'd you get up to?" Rinoa asked.

"What didn't she get up to?" Zell said walking towards us. "I thought you two wouldn't be talking coz, you know…" 

"Why? And what's that supposed to mean, 'what didn't I get up to?' I was being stupid and fell in the water," I explained. 

"Oh… yeah that's what happened… right." Zell said with a touch of sarcasm.

"Yes Zell… that's exactly what happened." I said rather sternly.

"Whoa Quisty… don't get ya knickers in a knot. Catch ya later." And he walked off. 

"Strange…" I muttered to myself.

*

I sat up and checked the clock, it was 2 o'clock am and I still hadn't got a wink of sleep. I kept thinking about what Squall had said had happened, it just wasn't adding up. Everyone else seemed to think something different happened… and I was the only one who thought otherwise.

I had to find out answers. 

I got up and pulled on my silk dressing gown and headed for Zell's room. I was guessing he wouldn't want to be woken up at this hour but frankly, I didn't care.

*

Zell's hair looked, if possible, even more like a roster's crow then usual. He was wearing his Action Man boxers, I knew I hadn't seen them before, but they seemed strangely familiar.

"This better be good, Quistis," He said, giving me a cup of hot chocolate and sat himself on the other easy chair with his own, which was over flowing with marshmallows. The smell of the sweet hot chocolate mingled over my skin as I put the cup to my face and took a sip.

"Can you promise me the truth Mr Dincht?" I asked, Zell looked taken back no one called him by his last name. G_ood, I had gotten his attention._

"I swear I only ever tell the truth." He said holing up his hand and doing the scout's salute.

"Good." I took a deep breath. I didn't know if I really wanted to find out but I hated being left in the dark. "Why did I end up in the water?"

Zell looked surprised. "You don't know?"

"The story Squall told me was a lie, I would like to know what I did since it was me who did it."

"Oh…" Zell said and took a gulp of his hot chocolate. "Well, first tell me what he told you."

I told him. He shook his head. 

"He should have told you the truth to start off with. Well if he's too much of a chicken to tell you then I will…" he took a deep breath before starting like he was trying to figure out what to say. "I-I caught you and Squall… let's just say, having a very good time… you were telling his lips something very interesting and apparently the pyjama top he was wearing you didn't like." 

"Oh my God… you mean we were…" I started.

"No, no… not that, just kissing." Zell assured me.

"But he's married to Rinoa…" I said. 

Zell looked at me, and whispered. "I know. You were so distraught that when you came to your senses, y-you tried to drown yourself." There was a long silence only the ticking of a clock that was on the wall could be heard. I was the first to break the silence.

"Does Rinoa know?" I said avoiding eye contact.

"Not as far as I know," Zell said quietly. I let out a huge breath I didn't know I'd been holding.

"Do you think she should know...?" I asked, still looking at the cream carpet.

"It's up to you, but I think she'll find out sooner or later." Zell said. His hand went under my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"Everyone makes mistakes Quistis. What's done is done and we have to move on."

They were very wise words to come from Zell. 

I thanked him and left the room wishing they would have let me drown.


	4. You Can't Hide

I really hope you enjoy this, as not many people read my last update. Oh well… what can you do? So enjoy… oh and peas R&R!

Editor's note: Hi, I'm Kurmoi, your friendly editor… I left the 'peas' in there because it sounded cute. And, truth be told, I'm not sure whether it was a mistake or Han left it there because she thought that 'peas' sounded cute too. So… there you go; peas it is. ^_^

Chapter 4: You can't hide

I avoided Squall and Rinoa the next day, as much as possible. 

Let's just say it didn't work so well. 

Rinoa was the first to find me. 

"Hey Quistis, give us a smile!" she said pushing up the corners of my mouth with her fingers to make a painful grin. I couldn't look into to her eyes. _How could I have done this? Slept with her husband?_

I wanted to die, I deserved to die for the sin I had committed.

"Hey, I know what will turn that frown the right way round! Come have dinner with me and Squall tonight, 8 o'clock. But a pre-warning. Squall's cooking so you don't have to eat anything that looks inedible. Don't be late!" 

And with that she turned on her heel and left before I could even answer. 

The day passed by quicker then I would have liked, though fortunately I didn't come across Squall. I had so much guilt in me I felt like I was sinking in it, it was taking me over so much that life seemed to be another world and I was merely an observer. Children's laughter and girl's gossip echoed through out my head. I couldn't understand what they were saying… did they know? Would they tell Rinoa? Did she already know? These questions filled my head and I could think of nothing else. 

Zell's words were in the background of all this noise repeating again and again… _she'll find out sooner or later… she'll find out sooner or later._

When my last class was over I basically sprinted to my cabin and locked the door. I flopped onto my bed. My mascara was running down my face making black lines. My life sucked.

*

"Are glad to see you finally decided to join us!" Rinoa said as I stood in the doorway and she humbly motioned me inside. The truth was I had been on time but hadn't had enough courage to knock on the door. I had been standing outside the room for 20 minutes dreading this moment. 

My eyes found the back of Squall in the kitchen that connected to the bedroom and dining area. These cabins had no space. Only two rooms, one a bathroom and the other a bedroom, dinning room, living room and kitchen all mushed into one. His broad back was hunched over a saucepan of sizzling food. The flavour wafted gently towards me, making my eyes water with the spiciness of the garnish. He turned slowly as though in slow motion, his body twisting in an almost dance-like movement. His dark brown hair flipped with the motion as though it had a mind of its own. 

And then his eyes met mine, deep grey-blue eyes like a rough sea. Images flashed before me. An image of that night, and it was suddenly all clear. I could see us together, the false hopefulness I had dreamed, and that we would be together forever. I quickly glanced away. But it was a mistake; I was looking at the bed; the silken sheets the endless passion we had shared. 

But Zell had stopped us, if not, who knows how far we would have gone? I looked back; he was still staring at me. I was suddenly very aware of the heaviness of his gaze. 

I could fell his yearning just with that look. 

"W-what's for tea?" I stuttered; I didn't want Rinoa to suspect anything.

"Food, I hope." She said, giving Squall a cheesy grin.

"Are you knocking my cooking?" Squall asked. 

"No, why would I do a thing like that?" Rinoa asked innocently. 

"Oh, Quistis. There's this song I've been dying to play to you, oh, it's just the best thing I've ever heard. Do you want to hear it?" She asked; obviously it did not matter what I said; I was going to hear it.

"Sure." 

And Rinoa got up, and checked the CD player. 

"Damn it! Oh, I must have left it in my office. I'll just go down and grab it. It won't take a second." She quickly left the room closing the door and opening it up to the conversation I did not want to have.


	5. An awkward dinner

Hello once again! Here's another chapter, hope you like. It's kind of, well as the name suggests, awkward (what a funny word, say that holding your tongue!) and I hope _I_ never have to sit through a dinner like this one. TV dinners all the way is what I think, (hee hee) Enjoy!

Chapter 5: An awkward dinner

Squall picked up a tea towel and wiped his hands. I sat myself on the edge of one of the lavender lounges that matched the bed. I sat there uncomfortably, as wary as a cat that had just seen a dog in the bushes. He lazily sat on a couch opposite mine; he looked totally relaxed as though nothing in the world could trouble him. 

"What's the matter, Quisty? You look like you've seen a ghost." 

He took these words as a chance to be near me and in an instant he was beside me, his arm draped around my shoulders, playing with the purple strap of my singlet top. I couldn't help it; I broke. I had to tell him that these games had to stop.

"I know, Squall… I know." I whispered into his hand, I couldn't bear eye contact.

"What do you know?" he embraced me suddenly in a swamping hug, and I buried my head deeply into his shoulder. His fingers danced along my backbone as though trying to control them from doing anything worse.

"I know what we did." I said so fast, I wasn't sure if he understood. He pulled back from me so suddenly I almost fell off the couch. His eyes looked downcast, staring at the cream carpet. 

"Zell told you." He said almost inaudibly, it was more a statement rather than a question. 

But still I nodded. I breathed out. 

"What are we going to do, Quistis?" he asked hoarsely. 

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"Move on, I guess. Pretend it never happened." I said; that's what I wanted to do, forget it. Squall lifted his head to meet his eyes with mine.

"I can't." And I knew now… neither could I.

*

Dinner went painfully slowly, but luckily Rinoa didn't seem to notice the way Squall and I were acting as though the other person wasn't there. Well, at least that's what I was doing. As for Squall, I wasn't so sure. 

Rinoa chattered so much with bits and pieces filling in for the idle conversations Squall and I made no attempt to make. Dinner was a curry that was a bit too spicy for my liking and seemed to burn all the way down my throat. I had no appetite for food, after my and Squall's conversation. 

Dessert was chocolate mousse which I normally would have loved, but the sweetness of it made my head swirl and it was unenjoyable. 

"Oh Quistis, guess what?" Rinoa said as she collected up the dessert bowls like a perfect host. 

I didn't get a chance to guess. "Squall and I have been thinking of going on a holiday!"

"Really? Where?" My voice strained with the effort to make it a little happy sounding.

"Well I want to go to Esthar but stupid Squall here doesn't want to leave the Garden, says it needs him." I took a look at Squall, he looked up and met my gaze, there was something there, but I couldn't place it. 

Squall sighed. "I'm sorry Rinoa, but I just can't go off and leave." 

I could tell they had had this conversation numerous amounts of times.

"I'm sure Quistis would fill in for you?" Rinoa said, giving me the look 'say yes or else.'

I was just about to reply and say 'sure' when Squall cut in.

"No. We couldn't give Quistis such a big burden, Rinoa just because I'm not going doesn't mean that you can't go." All of a sudden I could feel tension in the room.

"That's just it. You don't want to go anywhere with me! I feel like I'm the burden…" She smacked the tea towel down on the floor. I had never seen her lose her temper so quickly. 

"Quistis, I think you should leave. I need to talk to my husband in private." Her voice came through clenched teeth as though if she opened them something terrible would leap out. I could take a hint. I got up and left, and didn't look back.

Inside my cabin, I huddled up in my doona and tried to forget everything, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't forget. Squall's words tickled me like an invisible feather. I dangerously let my thoughts wonder and it led me to the land of nod. 


	6. Sides

I'm sorry you guys, with the doona bit. 

What the heck do you call them then? 

Okay… it's a quilt! 

Now that's over and down with here's the next chapter. I know; I know it's a short chapter. I would write them longer but you see, I wrote these ages ago so, that's how it goes. Hope you like it. And just for the record, I don't normally swear but the story needed it. So here, enjoy and don't eat eggs and milk in the same meal! (hee hee)

Chapter 6: Sides

I didn't see Rinoa all morning, and when I couldn't find her at lunch I began to worry. Besides, I was her best friend, not a very good one, but I had a feeling she needed me. 

I couldn't find her in her office, nor in her cabin. 

I eventually found her, in Selphie's cabin. She was curled up next to Selphie, a swarm of used tissues surrounded them and Selphie was handing Rinoa another one. Selphie looked up at me. I expected her to have a look of 'Some good friend you are,' but she didn't. She looked back at Rinoa.

"I know what we need! Chocolate, it's time like these you need a good chocolate fix!" 

Selphie was always cheerful, and managed to make people see the good in all situations. 

I felt like I wasn't needed. 

In fact, to tell you the truth, she sometimes got on my nerves with her 'bouncing off the walls' attitude. She left the room to collect the chocolates.

"Rinoa… what's wrong?" I said sitting next to her and embracing her in a supportive hug. She sniffled into my jacket. She was so sad; I would have done anything to see her smile.

"It-it's Squall…" she mumbled. "I think he's… got someone else." 

I stiffened with these words, guilt rising up through my throat.

"Cheating on you? But he loves you." I said, attempting to reassure her.

"No. He _used_ to love me." 

She managed to choke out the statement before bursting into a new batch of tears, her shoulders shuddering against my body. I pulled her back so I could look into her swollen red eyes. 

"Now, you know that's not true as well as I do." 

"You don't know, you don't know." She gasped, brushing the tears from her eyes. 

"What don't I know?" 

"He doesn't show that he loves me… he sleeps on the couch! And he hasn't made love to me or even touched me in months!" 

I gulped. What was I supposed to say?

"B-but you know Squall, he's always found it hard to express his feelings." I said reasonably.

"Whose side are you on?!" she shouted at me giving me a glare. 

Luckily Selphie came back into the room.

"That bastard!" Selphie exclaimed, putting down the plate of chocolates a little too firmly, making some roll to the floor. 

It was the first time I heard Selphie swear. 

"Think he can go sleeping 'round behind your back! We'll show him!" 

"What did he actually say to you last night, Rinoa?" I asked calmly.

"T-that he thought we needed a little 'space' and 'time.' Rinoa answered.

"Well maybe he's right. You guys have been together what… 2 years? It's no wonder you need a break." I couldn't stop myself; the words just kind of fell out.

"Yeah, so he can go screw more girls. I don't think so." Selphie said, her face heating up with anger.

"We don't even know that." I said trying to be reasonable. 

But they didn't want reasonable.

"Well, why don't you get the hell out of here and go comfort Squall! Coz you're not doing a very good job here! I'm sure Squall would love to fuck you too!" Selphie shouted, getting up and opening the door. I couldn't believe her last words and Rinoa started up a fresh batch of sobs. _Who suddenly died and made her Queen?_

I wandered the hall aimlessly. I couldn't believe it. I'd lost my best friend in a matter of days. I wanted to forget it all, to just wake up and find that it had all been just a stupid nightmare. How my life could have got into this twisted mess? I need guidance, someone who wasn't involved in this situation. 


	7. Shooting Targets

Chapter 7: Shooting Targets The wind tossed my hair around as though making it dance to some silent music. The air smelt of fresh spring. I wanted to hold this moment forever. I felt peaceful. My mind was suddenly cleared, as if the wind had blown away my troubles. I felt the overgrown daisies brush my ankles. They were so innocent, so pure. I looked up at the clear blue sky. It was like a blank canvas before an artist decides what to paint. I followed the directions Xu had given me and followed the path of daisies up a hill. The climb was a little steep and the back of my thighs began to hurt, I hadn't done much exercise in the last month. For I couldn't concentrate when I tried. I don't need to say why. But I wish I had now. I was puffing when I got to the top. Filling my lungs with the fresh spring air, I didn't notice him at first. I was too busy studying the view from the top. If I were an artist I would paint this. I let my eyes take in the view. Deep valleys of forests filled with a deep green. Patches of green grass stood out here and there like someone had mowed down the trees. A gushing river ran through the middle, like a silver thread, and if I listened hard enough I could almost hear a tinkle as the clean water spilled across the rocks. It was a truly magical sight. The first shot scared me. The bang rippled through my skin and echoed in my ears. I must have jumped a foot. It was then that I notice Irvine, crouched just a few metres away, rifle in hand. "Give me some warning next time!" I yelled, hoping he'd be able to hear me through his earphones. I wasn't too keen on tapping him on the shoulder, just in case I got a bullet in my head. He heard. "Sorry, Quistis." He said smiling and taking off his earphones, and shaking his long brown hair from his face. It was a girly gesture and it made me smile. No matter how hard he tried to be macho, he would never lose his sissy boy nature. "What brings my little princess up here?" he asked patting the grass beside him. I sat next to him, suddenly glad to be away from the garden. "What brings you up here? You're not shooting any of those cute animals in those forests are you?" I asked, pouting my bottom lip. He laughed. "Only a couple... nah clay target practise, you know, gotta keep up my aim." His voice had the usual charm to it that I remember used to make me fuzzy inside. But after a few hours it was just another voice. "And what do I owe the pleasure to, Quistis?" "I need..." I paused, trying to think of the right word, none came so I simply said. "Someone to talk to... a friend," I said sighing heavily. "Well, you've come to the right place. What do you want to talk about?" He said, collapsing backwards onto the grass. I didn't think about what I was going to say; it was easier that way. "I'm in love with Squall." I said. It was the first time I had said it out loud. I always knew it deep inside but I was afraid if I told someone it would become more real and I would have to face up to my emotions. "So?" he muttered from where he lay looking up at the sky. I couldn't believe my ears. What had he meant by 'so?' I'd expected him to sit straight up, shake me and say 'what the hell are you thinking, women?' When I didn't say anything, he continued. "And let me guess you made out?" What was he; a psychic? "H-how did you know that?" I asked, astonished. He really was a psychic! "No, not really. It's just what I'd do with a girl as pretty as you," he said. "What, you'd go out with Squall?" I said, only half joking. He really was an unpredictable guy. "Yes." He said it so seriously that I couldn't help myself. I burst out laughing; boy, did it feel good to laugh again. He joined me and after a few moments I'd quietened down to a mild giggle. "Oh Irvine, what am I going to do?" I said holding my head as I remembered why I'd come up here. "What can you do? You can't help your feelings for Squall. Nor can you hide them, same for him," "You didn't answer my question," I sighed, brushing my hair from my face. "I'm not going to tell you what to do, because that's up to you. But what I am going to say is whether you chose to believe it, you and Squall are soul mates. You're meant to be together. And no-one, not even Rinoa can change that." And with that Irvine got up and headed down the hill. 


	8. Private Talks

This chapter would have to go on the record for one of the world's shortest chapters ever written. But hopefully you still enjoy it! 

Thanks for all my faithful reviews; they really mean a lot to me. So I'd probably better shut up now, so you can get on and read it! Happy reading! Have a great day and remember someone is always watching… (I don't know where I pulled that from, it just sounded good!!!) 

Chapter 8: Private talks

I felt everyone's eyes watching me, as though they were trying to burn a hole in me. I was so lost in thought about what Irvine had said, I screamed when a hand caught my arm. I looked at the hand and traced its masculine arm to the head where I found Squall's stormy grey eyes looking into mine. 

"We need to talk." He said hoarsely. 

I gulped. By his voice, I could tell it was not a debateable subject. I let him lead me into an empty classroom, and the door automatically closed behind us. 

I felt… trapped.

"Rinoa's gone." He said collapsing into a chair in the front row. I stood standing where I was.  A few moments of silence.

"What do you mean by gone?" I asked. My voice wasn't too shaky which was good.

"Gone, as in her stuff has disappeared and she hasn't been seen since yesterday night." He slouched back in his chair, arms relaxed by his side.

"What are you going to do?" I said, taking the seat next to him.

He looked directly at me and I wanted to look away but I didn't.

"What can I do, Quistis?" his eyes looked so helpless, it was a good question. 

I just didn't have a good answer.

"I don't know Squall. It's not my problem." And with those words I got up to leave. 

His next words froze me in my tracks.

"But don't you see Quistis, you are the problem." His voice hit me like a knife in the stomach. I turned.

"I can't bury my feelings for you and hope they will go away. Because I know they won't. I loved you the first time I laid eyes on you and I love you even more now. Please tell me you feel the same." There was a long pause in the conversation as I tried to put my thoughts into words.

"I do love you, Squall, I've always loved you. But Rinoa is my friend. We might be soul mates but you're married." 

I tried not to make the last part sound like some kind of burden but it was hard.

"If I wasn't, would things be different?" he asked softly. 

"Yes Squall. Things would be very different," 

I didn't want to have this conversation anymore. Some things were too hard to be said in words. As I used to tell myself, _what's the point of fantasising if your fantasies will never come true?_


	9. The Lonely Book

Thanks once again for your reviews, guys. And look, this chapter is more then 500 words! 

Sorry if it's not the most thrilling of chapters, but then you have to have a variety, so the thrilling chapters are even more thrilling? 

Right…? 

Anywho, have a super day and go treat yourself to something nice! 

*Editor's note: What's with the 'J' thing? Is it something I've missed?*

Chapter 9: The lonely book

Selphie wasn't talking to me. 

What she was doing was giving me non-stop greasies. 

I had the most horrible feeling that she knew what I had done, and the feeling that she could read my thoughts. It was horrible and sent shivers down my spine. The days passed slowly, the spring showed its true beauty and many of the students spent their time out in the fresh spring air. I kept inside, as though giving myself a punishment from enjoying anything. The day was Friday. Normally, this would be my "girl's night" with Rinoa. We had planned it when she told me she was marrying Squall, so that we would never lose our close friendship and made Friday night our night. It is funny how things in my world never go as planned. 

'Girls night' had slowed down to a once a month thing and then without a word had completely vanished. So instead, I decided to get lost in a book. I sat in front of my bookshelf looking at the books. Most of them I hadn't even known I had, they must have crept in when I wasn't looking. I wasn't much of a reader. After a few minutes I finally picked out a book, just one of those smelly Mills and Boons books that I found behind the bookshelf. I didn't really want to think, just get lost in other people's problems and not have to face my own for a while. 

And anyway I felt sorry for it. 

Yeah I know it's just a book, buts its half torn cover and its smelly brown pages made me want to make it feel special by reading it. Pretty stupid huh? 

I took it into the bathroom and ran the water. A really hot bath made me feel dizzy and mindless. That's what I wanted, to forget. I lit a few candles to give it that peaceful feeling and when some incense were burning, I immediately felt calm. The smell made my head feel light. I let myself slide into the hot tub which was filled with bubbles and bath crystals, opened up my book and started to read. 

It wasn't the most interesting book I've read, but it sucked me in, go to show how long it's been since I've read a soapy book. Just the characters and their pitiful pathetic lives which were worse then mine made me the tiniest bit happier. The book was called "Love Letters," and I had only gotten through 3 and a bit chapters when my eyes felt suddenly heavy.

I woke up shivering, not knowing where I was. I was so cold I felt like I'd never get warm again. It was dark. It loomed around me threatening to swallow me in it. I didn't know where I was. _Was I still asleep? Why was I sitting in water?_

Remembering the last time I lost consciousness in water, I got up, letting the water run off me. I stumbled on the cold tiles and finally after much blind groping for the light switch I finally found it, and when the room was filled with the light bulb's harsh light I remembered what I was doing. 

I grabbed my white towel; it was one of the more expensive types. One of my bad traits was that I had to have nice fluffy towels; I am appalled how people can dry their bodies with those harsh sand-paper towels they sell at the junk shops for four bucks. 

It was only after I was doing up the strings on the bottom of my lavender colour flannel pyjamas that I noticed the scarlet envelope showing a corner from underneath the door, like it was too shy to come in. At first I thought I was hallucinating, but as I ran my fingertips along the edge of the letter, I knew it was real.  


	10. Love Letters

Hello whoever you are, hopefully this chapter is more thrilling then the last for you… but no promises. Saying for the day: "I try to take each day at a time day at a time but they keep catching up with me." (hee hee) Have a great day!

Chapter 10: Love Letters

I weighed the heaviness of the envelope in my hands, wondering who it was from and what it was about. Across the front my name was scrolled in gold fancy writing, it looked beautiful. I flipped it over; one of those old fashioned seals was on the back. It too was gold and shone brightly in the light like a star. 

My fingers paused as they hovered over the seal. I wanted to keep this moment. 

Let the mystery remain unsolved as though I didn't really want to know the answer, let the suspense tingle through my body just a little longer. Like a child on Christmas day who comes across their last present and knows that once it is open there will be no more. 

I took a deep breath and quickly split the seal in two. It opened like magic and I impatiently took out the paper from inside. It was a coffee brown colour with a gold border, the writing was also gold. I recognised the writing, and squinted as I tried to make out the words of the swirly mass of letters.

*

To My Dearest Quistis,

You have been such a kind friend throughout the times we have shared. Even when everything had failed, you stood by me when no one else would. Through good times and bad, you are never far away. I feel like I can tell you anything and that nothing is impossible when I am around you. You have opened a new world to me, which I cannot thank you enough for. I used to think the world was just a place where we lived, but now, thanks to you, it is much more then that. Without you, I would still be this solitary person who never trusted a living soul; not even himself. You have unlocked my heart and I cannot say in words how much you mean to me, but as a token of my gratitude I would be most honoured if you join me at the charity ball that the Garden is holding on Friday at 7 o'clock.

Yours Truly Forever

Squall

I read the letter again, and a single tear ran down my right cheek until it dropped off my chin and vanished among the white tiles. I don't know why I was crying. Perhaps relief that I finally knew somebody appreciated me; someone thought I was worth their time, their concern, for lately I had been thinking that I was just a waste of space and air. 

I folded the letter and placed it back inside its envelope. I walked out into my bedroom and positioned the letter delicately on my bedside table, staring at it like I expected it to evaporate into thin air. It was only then that I remembered the book I had been reading in the bath. I guess stranger things have happened… but this was just bizarre, that the book I was reading was called 'love letters' and then I get one, well, a letter at the very least. I went to my desk and took out my fancy writing paper. You know the kind you get from people that don't know you that well on your birthday, and because it's so nice you're afraid to use it in case you waste it. _Well, I finally had something I could use it for._

I sat in my desk chair; my calligraphy pen poised above the beautiful parchment, not sure what I wanted to write. It seemed difficult to put my feelings in words without saying too much, also it had been a while since I had written in calligraphy, I used to do it as a leisure pursuit but time had been getting away on me lately, and it was one of those less important things. I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts and wrote.

I will come… because I feel the same.

Yours Truly Forever (and a day)

Quistis


	11. The Beginning to a Perfect Night

Next chapter…just for you J. I know they're all really short chapters, that's just how I write them. So, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Actually it's perfect for Valentines Day, how rare. 

Anywho, Happy Valentines Day to you all! Go shout yourself a block of chocolate; you deserve it!

Chapter 11: The beginning to a perfect night

The ball room looked beautiful; I felt like Cinderella just stepping into the prince's ballroom. 

White and black marble floor gleamed with a shine that was nearly blinding. Flourishing green plants spilled from all over the place, taking up every corner. Elegance filled the room, so it felt like you could almost touch it. The room smelled of numerous brands of expensive perfume and aftershave all mingled together in its own unique blend, like Beethoven's, Mozart's, and Bach's music all put together. There was a small group all ready, clustered on the circular floor sweeping over the marvellous design like water. 

I made my way down the stairs, letting my hand sweep along the white marble banister feeling its coolness and smoothness under my black lace glove. I had never felt so dressed up and stylish in my life. I had bought the dress about three years ago and this was the first time I had actually gotten to wear it, it was one of those dresses you fall in love with but then you never get to wear it. The colour was the colour of a deep purple like the ones you find in plums sometimes, the colour the royal had worn to show their superior. Purple was one of my favourite colours, though I didn't get to wear it much. It was an ankle length, and if you looked hard enough it shimmered with a touch of glitter. It fitted my body like a dream and what had caught my eye about it was the back. It had a low back that went down to sit just above my waist, emphasizing my shoulder blades; across my back was a black criss-cross shoelace string. The front dipped a bit but not too low to be uncomfortable, and a split came up the side to my knee, exposing a glimpse of leg every now and then. The shoes were black strappy ones that didn't have too much of a heel because kissing the floor wasn't really one of my favourite things to do. 

_As for kissing other things…_

Oops, back to the outfit. 

A sliver necklace with droplets of dark amethyst was around my neck with matching earrings. My hair was done in a mass of curls pinned on top of my head with a few purple fake roses. I wasn't a big fan on make-up so just a red blush and purple eye shadow and black eyeliner, oh, and don't forget the dark red lipstick, I had thought it was a bit dark but then as I looked at the other women that moved around the floor, I realised it seemed quite pale compared to some browns. Okay; I admit it, I had gone all out to look my best. But who wouldn't to a ball, when you finally get to dance with well the man of your dreams? 

_That sounded really corny, but oh well. _

I stood on the outside of the dance circle mesmerised by the fancy colour, sweeping material and the shuffling sound of the people gliding in circles around each other but never colliding. 

"I'm glad you could come." A voice whispered so closely to my ear I could feel the air as it rushed out and formed into words. I turned and came face to face with the greyest eyes I'd ever met, and for a moment I was frozen as though those beautiful eyes had put a spell over me. When I finally came back earth, I replied. 

"So am I." I whispered. He smiled and I knew I had that stupid love struck smile plastered across my face too.


	12. Centre Stage

Chapter 12: Centre stage

"Well it seems Miss Trepe we have no other choice left but to dance." He held his hand out willing, waiting. I put my black gloved hand into his rough tanned one and I felt a swell of emotions flow through my body. I felt like a love sick teenager. He led me through the twirling bodies to the centre of the dance floor and it was an extraordinary feeling watching the couples move around us, I felt like a princess. Hands slid around my waist and they seemed to be burning there for an instance. Without me even realising it my hands and arms were creeping up to join around his neck. We started dancing. And I felt like I was in a dream. The band started a new song, a slow song of course. And I lent into him so I could feel his heart beating against my cheek. We swayed in what seemed suddenly a natural movement, it felt to me as if all our feelings for each other were coming out into a motion of beauty and grace. He leaned down to smell my hair and I felt like I was floating, just hovering above the ground with happiness and love, I looked down just to make sure I wasn't. I wanted to hold this moment for ever. He put a hand under my chin lifting my eyes to meet his. 

"I love you." He whispered and those three words seemed more then just words for the first time, had meaning, he loved me. Oh those words! For once they seemed to be real full of their own life like they were 3 separate angels that filled both our hearts and joined us as one. It wasn't like when I was a teenager when you're sitting in your car at lovers point and there's nothing left to say over the head banging music and your boyfriends yells "I love ya sexy bum." And then you start making out like there's no tomorrow. That was like for example home brand chocolate, but this, this was the most expensive, most divine, most beautiful, melt in your mouth chocolate specially made for you with love from Belgium. I knew in the very moment that he was the one, the only one I would ever love until the end of my days.

"I love you too." I whispered into his ear and I watched his cheek slide up his face as his face beamed with a happiness, I wanted to remember forever. The music twirled around us and nothing else seemed to matter except our love, and it seemed nothing else would ever matter from now on. No one could reach us, now that we had come to this place. The world was a blur and it felt like if we tore our gaze from one another this moment, would be lost in time. I was so scared I would never feel this way again, but at the same time so happy I had found him. I wanted to put my mouth up to his and tell him how I felt, I also wanted to scream, laugh, cry, sing and dance. But it seemed that most of these actions would cause a bit too much attention so instead I did the only thing I could. I danced. I let my love for him go down to my feet as a new song started. Wouldn't you know the tango came on? 

We flew across the floorboards as though we were walking on air. Our passion was swept away with the music and everything seemed to make sense. The music spoke to me like it never had before, I always thought music was nice and appreciated it but at that moment it spoke to me. It was a language I suddenly realised, but not one of words and speech, it was feelings, pure emotions, a time and place someone had been, it enfolded the room in its passion and smoothly ran through my mind. Then I realised life is all about love. And without life there is no love, but without love there is no life.

            The songs moved from one another each having a different story to tell. Some sad and meaningful, others vibrant and happy, and then those ones, the ones that seemed to eat into your very soul that whispered about break ups and when life goes wrong. Then it broke into the "Cha-Cha" I don't know why but before I knew it the rest of the people who I had barely noticed had formed a circle around us, we weren't that good were we? I twirled and my dress flared out as I did so, I loved it when it did that. I smiled 

"You never told me you could dance." I stated as I spun back into to Squall.

"You never asked." He said as I looked up into his eyes, we laughed. He dipped me down, so low that I took my hand out and touched the ground. Then he pulled me up sharply. We walked around each other, shoulder to shoulder, never losing eye contact, like two angry bulls before a fight. Then I spun off to the side, and he to the other. We stood their backs facing one another. Then I turned and ran, ran like I was faster then the wind, I felt free, weightless, which was probably a good thing because when I got to Squall he picked me up. I was on top of his shoulders, you know like those ice skaters do. Circling around and around, I posed thinking of those ballet movies I had watched as a child when my love was for dancing. He lightly dropped me to the floor and just as the song was finishing we grabbed hands and bowed. The circle of admirers clapped in enjoyment, their cat calls and whistles echoing through the acoustics of the ballroom. I sighed in the exhilaration of it all, the couples shyly started to enter the space where the dancing had taken place, and timidly begun to dance again. I dared a look at Squall, who was also gazing at the other couples; he felt my eyes upon him and turned to face me with gracious smile. 

"You were wonderful," He said obviously delighted.

"You weren't bad yourself," I laughed lightly punching his shoulder.

"Hey, are you picking on me?" Squall said jokingly, placing his hands on his hips and pouting.

I laughed and punched him on the arm again, "Yep."

"Alright now you're laughing at me as well," Squall said crossing his arms, and fake glaring, "You'd better watch out or I'll give you my famous puppy dog eyes."

"Oh I'm scared!" I replied pretending to tremble.

"Okay little lady, let's settle this somewhere private." Squall drawled, putting out my arm for him to take it. 

"Okay buster you're on." I laughed taking his arm and letting him led me out of the ballroom.


	13. Spanish Words & Sweet Romance

Well heres the next chapter, start off my computer to yours, hope you enjoy it all you romantic fans out there, you know you love all the mushy stuff (hee hee) So have a great day, and Orlando Bloom rules all! 

Chapter 13: Spanish words and sweet romance

The place for settling this "dispute," was unanimously agreed to be Squalls dorm, which kind of gave a clue of how we would resolve this argument. But trapped in the moment we fled hand in hand, not knowing why we were running or who from. But it seemed right, I can't explain it in words but it was like the universe was given to us for a night and we had to make the most of it. Everything else was a blur of colours and shapes. And the pure intensity of the moment made me want to go into hysterics. I was breathless, but full of life, my spirit made me feel like I was flying like an eagle, and my own soul, (how do I describe it?) felt like a pin ball, bouncing off my insides and I thought it was soon going to come out my mouth. The wind hit me like never before, it felt alive and forceful. I looked at Squall; he looked so overcome with joy I thought he would burst. His whole face and body in fact seemed to glow with a kind of angelic light; he looked so beautiful I wanted to weep.

We came to the door almost suddenly, I had been so occupied with that instant, I'd forgotten about the moments to come. We both stood their staring into each others eyes, desperately searching for just the right thing to say and at the same time trying to figure out what the other person was thinking. 

"Are you ready?" Squall asked barely audible, his hand resting on the door knob. My heart was beating so loudly I was sure he could hear it.

"How could I not be?" I don't know where these words came from, but they were hanging in the silence before I could stop them.

Squall smiled, lovingly and proceeding to open the door. Inside the dorm glowed in a warm, safe looking light. He opened the door to its full extent, standing courteously and I felt like a Queen, Squall had always made me feel so special, and important like I was worth something, even valuable you might say. And I glowed at him, just to let him know how much all that meant to me. His hair fell in front of his eyes lazily as he cheekily winked at me. He closed the door, and I looked around the room. It displayed Squall to a tee. From the pictures to the books sprawled across the desk. I smiled to myself thinking how lucky I was to know him. A sensation came over me that he was watching my back as I inspected the room; I turned to look at him.

"Gosh, you're magnificent." He whispered.

I blushed slightly; I had never been called that before. I looked sideways, avoiding eye contact, due to awkwardness. 

"You think?" I answered meekly.

He walked towards me and with his finger, moved my head to look deep into his eyes.

"I don't think, I know." He answered softly, so close I could feel his breath on my face. These words were so simply, so pure, so beautiful, I began to melt, and a tear sprang from my eye, trickling down my face.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" I asked delicately.

"Why don't you ask cupid?" He answered boyishly. I giggled, raising a hand to my mouth. He took my hand away from my mouth gently, gazing so deeply into my eyes I was sure he could see my thoughts. We started leaning towards each other like some kind of unstoppable gravity. His lips touched mine, moist, just how I'd imagined, oh how I had longed for this moment. Obsession ran through us as the kiss became fierier with every second, tongues lashed here and there as if they too had their own mind. It was more then I could stand, as if I wasn't in control of my own  body I leapt up to him, legs around his waist, whilst still pashing him, his knees seemed to buckle a bit with my weight but it was unnoticed. He carried me backwards to his bed, we feel lightly onto the bed, but it seemed as if both of us hadn't even noticed. I lay sprawled across his tough masculine body, wild in passion, lost in thought, kissing him, oh just the joy of letting myself be free, I felt like I had been a wild cat, tamed but then suddenly had discovered my true nature. I kissed his neck, running my fingers down his shirt, scowling at the fabric that restrained me from touching his smooth skin.

"Oh don't you like the shirt?" he said pulling away from me and smiling. I crawled back up so I was about an inch from his face speaking into his lips.

"I hate it." I whispered dangerously. 

"Then it must go," he breathed back. I crept back down, unbuttoning it as fast as could as Squall removed his tie. He dangled it in front of me, and I grabbed it with my teeth, and then threw it to the floor. He pulled me up to his lips, and the cycle began again; the kissing, the caressing, the clothes being removed. He was down to his jocks when he suddenly stopped.

"Hey! No fair! I'm down to my jocks while all you've taken off only your high heels."

 I grinned back, "Why don't you like my dress?" I asked innocently.

"I think I'd prefer what is beneath it." He answered flirtingly.

"If that's the way you like it." I answered, getting up off him. He to got up. , putting his head on my shoulder.

"No madam that's the way I love it." I looked at him and smiled. Normally with any other guy I'd get a tad nervous at this stage, for me taking off your clothes meant a big deal, it was showing them things that not many people had seen before, let alone letting them touch it. But with Squall it was different the connection between him and me made me confident and proud of what I am. 

"I might need some help Romeo." I said trying to reach the zipper.

"With pleasure," he smiled lecherously. 

"Hang on make sure you don't turn into an Irvine." I teased.

"Trust me I'll make sure of that." He laughed back.

He came to my back and I felt the zipper go down, and the dress slip down my sleek figure like water. I stood their partly naked back facing him. He grabbed my shoulder, and I turned to look at him.

"I love you," he said, "We are soul mates forever. I love you so much I cannot describe it in words."

 I grinned mischievously.

"I can… Te quiero con todo el corazón y el alma." I said placing a hand on his shoulder and pacing around him in a circle. 

"Quiero estar con usted para siempre, porque somos compañeros de alma, y ni la luna ni las estrellas nos podrían romper aparte."

"I didn't know you could speak Spanish?" Squall said looking at me admirably.

"Si," I said grinning.

"So what does it mean?" he asked curiously.

"Not telling," I said teasingly.

"Well I'll just have to get the words out of your mouth." He sat me down on the bed and started kissing me. 

"SQUALL YOU BASTARD!" 


	14. Caught

Hello all, glad you liked the last Chapter, have a great day and do something out of ordinary! 

Chapter 14: Caught

We both froze at the sound, centimetres from each others face, gazing into each others eyes, wishing that it hadn't happened. Slowly, so slow it looked like he was doing it in slow motion; Squall got off me, and turned to face Rinoa. 

Rinoa's face displayed a number of emotions; anger, sickness, shock, disbelief, and last sadness, all colours had drained from her face. 

I just sat there on the bed, I felt like I wasn't even there, like I was a member of the audience as the husband and wife looked at each other. Then her stare turned to me. It wasn't the same infuriated look she had given to Squall, but one of disappointment, disbelief and pity. I knew what was going through her head as though she had said it out loud. _Why?_ I looked away from those haunted eyes; I feared that if I stared into them for much longer I would die of guilt. I wanted to say something to make it go away, to make an excuse, anything just to make the situation better, but I knew what had been done had been done. It was now past and I had to deal with the present. 

I opened my mouth to say something, I didn't know what, and I just had to do something to cut the tension that surged throughout the room. But Squall spoke first.

"We need to talk." That was all he said, not I'm sorry, and not I can explain, just that.

When Rinoa spoke again her voice quivered with emotions.

"It's pretty obvious what happened here, I don't need your excuses Squall, I need you to burn in hell." Her voice began to crescendo at the end so the last bit rang through the room. Squall, bit his lip in anger, he had never been spoken to this way especially by Rinoa. 

"You know what _Rinoa_," he put a mocking voice on her name. "I don't give stuff what you think, I hate you, I don't know what I ever saw in you…or what anyone could ever see in you."  he muttered in rage.

"Why don't we leave your lovely little slut here and finish this talk in private. Because there are a lot of things you need to know."

He bowed mockingly "Gladly, there are a few expressions I wouldn't mind sharing with you myself."  

They headed out of the room walking stiffly with overflowing resentment. I didn't know what to do I just sat there stunned, numb to every feeling that should have been going through me. Everything seemed surreal like I was in a dream. I didn't know what to do; I wanted it to never have happened. I closed my eyes and opened them again wishing to wake up from a bad dream, but to my disappointment I was still sitting on the bed clutching my knees rocking backwards and forwards. I heard shouting from outside, it sounded distant like the rumbling of volcanos on a horizon. The next moment I was running to the door as though my life depended on it. I don't know what made me do it; it felt like some incredible supernatural force. But all I knew was I had to see Rinoa.


	15. Blood and Emotions

This is the last chapter you guys, well apart from the epilogue. Thanks for all your suggestions, encouragement and support. I really couldn't have done it without you guys. Hope you like the ending...and if you don't well to bad!!! J Have a great day! And live each day to you're best, because then at the end you'll have nothing to regret! 

Chapter 15: Blood and emotions

Kissing, he was kissing her. Her head was pressed hard against the wall, Rinoa gasped at the pain of it. You wouldn't call it a kiss really; a kiss was a loving gesture, to show physically that you loved some one, this was anything but that, a mockery of a kiss, a kiss of hatred, anger, loathing, and resentment. I stood there horrified at the sight. I saw blood, a dark red puddle on the floor, shinning in the little light there was. I traced the source of it, I cried out in awfulness of it all, their plunged into Rinoa's stomach was a knife, in so deep, only a little of the sliver from the blade could be seen, the rest was impaled within her. Squall held the knife in his strong blood stained hand. And every time he went to kiss her the knife sunk in a little further. I felt sick, nauseous at the sight of it. The blood just kept pouring out of her, like a never ceasing river. He began to twist the handle. How could I stand here and watch this? I needed to do something, but what? Thoughts raced through my mind at a million miles an hour. 

"NOOOO!!!" I screamed and the loudness of my voice not only shocked Squall but me as well. He pulled away from her and looked blankly at me, as if wondering what did you do that for? I didn't even think before I hurtled myself at him, knocking him to the ground, the knife drawing out of Rinoa's stomach at the same time. She fell like a cascade of rocks. And hit the ground, lying sprawled across it, blood still seeping from her stomach. Her face was so pale it looked like someone had painted it white. I ran to her side, not caring as my dressing gown dipped in the puddles of red. Tears streamed down my face as she looked at me with vacant eyes.

"Rinoa, Rinoa, please stay with me, don't go, oh God Rinoa how could he have done this? It's all my fault." But still she just stared, her breathing was so faint. I held her in my arms, wishing it could be me and not her. "Rinoa, just say something, I'm so sorry," But it didn't seem adequate, not in the slightest. "Rinoa, don't leave me, what will I do without you? Oh please just say something. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I just kept mumbling those words, as she lay limp in my arms, stroking my fingers through her still shiny hair.

She closed her eyes. "No, no don't do that don't close your eyes, Rinoa hang on, I'm here, I'm here and I'm never leaving…" her eyes opened and I don't know whether I imagined it or not but she seemed to smile. Not a big smile just a little upward lift of the lips. I grabbed her hand, she looked at me. "I'm here, I'm here for you Rinoa and I'm sorry, but I'm here for you…" then her lips mouthed the words _I know_. She closed her eyes and one last breath came from those lips, then she was gone. I wept, I wept like I never have before. No one would ever get me to leave her side. He head was limp and off to the slide. She was so lifeless. "Come back, come back Rinoa, please Rinoa." I shook with sorrow, uncontrollable sorrow. 

"She's gone." A voice from above rumbled. I hadn't heard him approach, I looked up and expected to see a look of pity but instead I got a look of hardness and stubbornness. I just wanted to tear him to pieces there and then.

"Things will be better now…it had to be done." He said matter-of-fact like. That just set me off, those words bounced around my head getting louder every time I repeated them to myself.

"WHAT?!" I lay Rinoa down and stood up to face her killer, my lover, her husband. 

"You know it had to happen, in fact you gave me the idea when you said it would never happen because of Rinoa," he said plainly.

"So you killed her?" Emotions built up and I felt like I would explode. 

"There was no other way," he said looking behind me at his handiwork.

"You know she's right you are a bastard!" I stepped forward and slapped him hard on the face. "Don't you have a conscious? What the hell did I see in you? I never want to see you again. I hate you! All you are is a mindless murderer with a heart of stone." I turned and started to walk away until he stopped in my tracks. 

He laughed wickedly, "You can never escape me. We're soul mates remember?"

I turned to face him, tears of rage and sorrow streaming down my face, for once I knew exactly what to say. "Correction, we _were_ soul mates."

THE END


	16. Looking Back

Okay, okay I know you guys hated my ending, but it you'll give me another chance I'm sure I can make it up! Trust me, I've had a good long think about where I want this story to go, with the help of my friend Em and although I'm not going rewrite the last chapter, thing might have a bit of a….twist on them. J Have a nice day!

Chapter 16: Looking back

I'll never get over it; I know that no matter how far I run the images of those weeks will lay embedded in my mind. Some days are easy and others are hell. But I have no one else to blame but myself. I have to accept that my best friend died because I let love over take me. Love killed her, my love. Its three months today since I last saw her, dying, dying in my arms. Squall's trial has been and gone. I was a witness and had to be taken off the stand because I was "unstable". I've had all the support you could ever want, but it's not enough. People tell me it wasn't my fault, but their wasting their breath. The trial was held last week, it went alright, I was more stable this time, but it was one of the worst experiences of my life. Lawyers accusing me and I felt so evil, so full of sin, they claimed I wanted her dead. That's when I lost it. I couldn't help it. I'm getting therapy, as the court basically demanded, looking down their noses at me, like I was just a piece of dirt. My therapist knows nothing of what I'm going through, but she's nice and it's a good way to clear the thoughts in my head.

            Squall's in jail. Just seeing him at the trial made me loath him with so much power I thought I was going to burst.

I've lost my old life; I will never be the same person I was. All my friends have been there especially Zell and Irvine. Selphie won't even look at me, that relationship will take a lot of time to build up again. __

So a new day begins each day, the sun rises just like any other day. As if nothing had ever even happened, but I know the truth, this guilt eating away at me inside. It's slowly crushing what spirit I have left, how can I go on…?  


	17. Pain

Okay so here we go, I thought I'd post another chapter because the other one was really short, even for me! So here the next proper chapter I hope you enjoy. And, no my twist is NOT that Rinoa's going to come magically back to life!

Chapter 17: Pain

I was alone, all alone. No one could help me no one could save me; I was destined to be alone forever. I was on my own, all by-myself. And I despised it. Everyday was the same, the fake smiles, the fake cheeriness; it masked my emotions and my personality so that I didn't even know who I was. I felt like I was surreal, a different person all together. No one knew me…I didn't even know me.

I sat on my bedroom floor. I was strangely calm; I knew what I had to do. So many times I had gone through the images of this moment, it was just like watching a movie then finally acting out the script. Countless times while watching my students chatter and work in the class room the innocence of my students haunted me as my mind continued to go over the events of last year, I thought about this moment in time. While people went out of their way to talk to me during their lunch break, and not even thinking that I knew they were only doing it because it made them feel better to know they had "made my day," I thought about it. Well I was sick of it, sick of their sympathy. I was sick of everything, my life sucked, and if that's how it was going to be then I didn't want to be a part of it.

I was sitting on my bedroom floor, my one place where I could be myself. I reached for my bedside table and yanked at the drawer. There it was, shining in the dim moon light…my answer. I took the dagger and held it like a valuable prize. So simple, yet it could do so much. I took a deep breath, this was it. No note, I didn't need to say sorry. Sorry for what, screwing up my life? No I don't think so, I need pain, I needed to cause myself pain, to go through the same pain Rinoa had to go through because of me. The dagger glinted. I smiled wickedly. No more Quistis, I'd be free.

I placed the blade on my wrist, and sliced in one quick clean stroke. Bright, blinding light filled the room, was I dieing? It was then I felt the pain, I gasped holding my wrist, watching the crimson blood as it fell to the floor, a thick steady stream. It was at that moment I saw a figure standing at the door.

"Quistis, what are you doing?!" The voice was so familiar, too familiar. The person came towards me hurriedly. Kneeling beside me I looked into Irvine's eyes. "What are you doing here?" My voice was thick and slurred.

"Oh my, gosh Quistis what have you done?" he said looking down horrified at my bloody wrist.

"I had to, Irvine; everything's going to be okay now." My head felt groggy and it was hard to pronounce the words.

"I've got to call the nurse." He said getting up quickly, and heading for the phone. I reached out for him, I had to stop him. "NO! Irvine, don't! I want to die! Death is better then the hell I go through everyday! Please!" It was too late; the phone was on the hook.

"You don't know what you're saying Quistis, it's alright now I'm here." He said embracing me in his arms.

"No! It wasn't meant to be like this! Just go away! I hate you!" I said pounding on his arms like a wild animal. My blood spilt all over him. My wrist was aching tremendously like nothing I'd never felt before. It was all I could think of. Pain, I was supposed to die, leave this world; leave all its pain. But now I was a prisoner of it once more.


	18. The softly spoken stranger

Hi all, wow this chapter is actually medium length! Or maybe its juts all the spaces I've used. Anywho have a great day. Hope you like this chapter, I had a lot of fun writing. Thought of the day: _"Be glad of life, because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars_." Oh and before I forget if you read this Emawee **Happy Birthday!**

Chapter 18: The softly spoken stranger

I opened my eyes, and then shut them again. No, I was still here, remembering things had not gone to plan as I would have liked. _How long could I lie here pretending to be in a state of unconsciousness?_ I sighed. No, I was left here to dwell in my past forever; doomed to live in my mistakes. I started to curse Irvine's name.

"Oh it's good to see you're awake, Quistis," Nurse Kadowaki chirped coming over to my bed. _Yeah. Maybe for you,_ I thought miserably.

"You gave us all quite a shock," she said, hoping her bright cheerful smile would lift my spirits. Unfortunately it did nothing of the sort. How many people had heard what I had done? What did they think?

_Oh, now you've blown it! As if people weren't awkward enough around you before; now they'll be flaky happy and talking about you behind your back even more! _

"Now you must be starving, what can I get you?" Her voice was sickly sweet. I sighed, hoping my despair wouldn't come into my voice.

"I'm not really hungry, but thanks anyway,"

She looked at me oddly, but then accepted on some level that food wasn't what I need now. I sank lower into the bed and tried to make my mind go blank.

Speaking, soft words were hanging around me like a woolly blanket. At first I assumed they were from my dream, a figment of my imagination. I smiled. That voice was so familiar, I wanted to hold this moment, where I all my thoughts were about this speech. It was then that I realized that it was not a vision of a dream I had been having, but that it came from reality.

"You would have liked today, Quistis, the sun was so nice, absolutely beautiful. I must have sat on that hill for about three hours; you know where I do target practice? The daisies are out again. Aren't they your favourite flower? Well, in any case I brought you some so you'd better start to like them… hey, you are awake! I saw your eye twitch, little lady, so stop pretending and wake up so I don't look like a loser talking to himself," I had to smile at that.

"See, told you so."

I opened my eyes, to see Irvine staring at me with lovely caring eyes. I still wasn't happy that I had to come back to reality but I must admit it was a nice thing to wake up to.

"You caught me," I said drowsily. "Oh boy… I'm starving!"

"That's good, because I'm one of the finest cooks in the world," he said humorously.

"Oh yeah… I'll believe that when I see it," I said teasingly.

"Well... you had better start believing. I will pick you up from your dorm at… let me see… seven?"

"I don't know, will I end up back in sick bay from your cooking? Because if so, I think I'd prefer McDonald's,"

"There's no guarantee," And with that he left.

I am absolutely certain that the most contagious thing in the world is a good mood. Irvine's light heartiness seemed to have… I don't know, coloured my day a lot brighter.

And don't get me wrong. I'm not through the woods yet, there's still a bit to go. But I'm closer then I was.

I put my earring in, and jingled my head, watching the little diamonds as they caught the little sparkle with pure beauty. I wasn't really in the mood quite yet to "dress up" as it were. So tonight it was just jeans, a lacy black top and my black knee-high boots underneath. I smiled as I gazed at my refection. The smile looked as though I was in pain, a gritting of teeth, a forced smile of fake happiness. I turned away. I couldn't expect my world to be just to be a bed of roses again. First I had to get rid of the thorns.

I lay back on my bed, not sure what to do with myself before Irvine came to whisk me away. I'm not sure how long I lay there mulling over the same thoughts again and again in my mind as I had done so much lately.

Actually I was becoming quite the expert on it.

A soft knocking interrupted my thoughts a I quickly walked to the door. I paused, my hand on the cool door knob and it suddenly seemed much more then just opening the door. In some weird twisted way, in my mind it was symbolic; as though by opening the door would be opening the door of my life to Irvine, like I had done with Squall. Is this what I wanted, to be hurt all over again?

Or did I just want to stay locked in my dorm watching the opportunities given to me be passed to someone else?

I opened the door.


	19. The softly spoken stranger

Hi all, wow this chapter is actually medium length! Or maybe its juts all the spaces I've used. Anywho have a great day. Hope you like this chapter, I had a lot of fun writing. Thought of the day: _"Be glad of life, because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars_." Oh and before I forget if you read this Emawee **Happy Birthday!**

Chapter 18: The softly spoken stranger

I opened my eyes, and then shut them again. No, I was still here, remembering things had not gone to plan as I would have liked. _How long could I lie here pretending to be in a state of unconsciousness?_ I sighed. No, I was left here to dwell in my past forever; doomed to live in my mistakes. I started to curse Irvine's name.

"Oh it's good to see you're awake, Quistis," Nurse Kadowaki chirped coming over to my bed. _Yeah. Maybe for you,_ I thought miserably.

"You gave us all quite a shock," she said, hoping her bright cheerful smile would lift my spirits. Unfortunately it did nothing of the sort. How many people had heard what I had done? What did they think?

_Oh, now you've blown it! As if people weren't awkward enough around you before; now they'll be flaky happy and talking about you behind your back even more! _

"Now you must be starving, what can I get you?" Her voice was sickly sweet. I sighed, hoping my despair wouldn't come into my voice.

"I'm not really hungry, but thanks anyway,"

She looked at me oddly, but then accepted on some level that food wasn't what I need now. I sank lower into the bed and tried to make my mind go blank.

Speaking, soft words were hanging around me like a woolly blanket. At first I assumed they were from my dream, a figment of my imagination. I smiled. That voice was so familiar, I wanted to hold this moment, where I all my thoughts were about this speech. It was then that I realized that it was not a vision of a dream I had been having, but that it came from reality.

"You would have liked today, Quistis, the sun was so nice, absolutely beautiful. I must have sat on that hill for about three hours; you know where I do target practice? The daisies are out again. Aren't they your favourite flower? Well, in any case I brought you some so you'd better start to like them… hey, you are awake! I saw your eye twitch, little lady, so stop pretending and wake up so I don't look like a loser talking to himself," I had to smile at that.

"See, told you so."

I opened my eyes, to see Irvine staring at me with lovely caring eyes. I still wasn't happy that I had to come back to reality but I must admit it was a nice thing to wake up to.

"You caught me," I said drowsily. "Oh boy… I'm starving!"

"That's good, because I'm one of the finest cooks in the world," he said humorously.

"Oh yeah… I'll believe that when I see it," I said teasingly.

"Well... you had better start believing. I will pick you up from your dorm at… let me see… seven?"

"I don't know, will I end up back in sick bay from your cooking? Because if so, I think I'd prefer McDonald's,"

"There's no guarantee," And with that he left.

I am absolutely certain that the most contagious thing in the world is a good mood. Irvine's light heartiness seemed to have… I don't know, coloured my day a lot brighter.

And don't get me wrong. I'm not through the woods yet, there's still a bit to go. But I'm closer then I was.

I put my earring in, and jingled my head, watching the little diamonds as they caught the little sparkle with pure beauty. I wasn't really in the mood quite yet to "dress up" as it were. So tonight it was just jeans, a lacy black top and my black knee-high boots underneath. I smiled as I gazed at my refection. The smile looked as though I was in pain, a gritting of teeth, a forced smile of fake happiness. I turned away. I couldn't expect my world to be just to be a bed of roses again. First I had to get rid of the thorns.

I lay back on my bed, not sure what to do with myself before Irvine came to whisk me away. I'm not sure how long I lay there mulling over the same thoughts again and again in my mind as I had done so much lately.

Actually I was becoming quite the expert on it.

A soft knocking interrupted my thoughts a I quickly walked to the door. I paused, my hand on the cool door knob and it suddenly seemed much more then just opening the door. In some weird twisted way, in my mind it was symbolic; as though by opening the door would be opening the door of my life to Irvine, like I had done with Squall. Is this what I wanted, to be hurt all over again?

Or did I just want to stay locked in my dorm watching the opportunities given to me be passed to someone else?

I opened the door.


End file.
